Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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