and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
