dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
