Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I want to fling myself into the sun
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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