You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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