So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
