Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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