i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
