i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Buhtt sex?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
