I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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