Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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