You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
