After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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