Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
