I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
