My hair reeks of homosexuality.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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