My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
