Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
