so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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