it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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