she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
