Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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