Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
