He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
