and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
