Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I supernannyed him into submission
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
