my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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