I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's always time for handjobs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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