i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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