First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
