Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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