i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
