he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
