He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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