I am puke
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
