Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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