I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
