If i come over, it means nothing
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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