just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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