I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
