just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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