Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
