I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
