It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
