1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she told me i tasted like america
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
