i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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