Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
