It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
should my penis look like a turkey
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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