Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
