i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
