New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
