Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think my fart just growled at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
