she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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