oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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