He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
