i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
