remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
