theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
