his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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