I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
