getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
