i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
