Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
