Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
