The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
