I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
